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What
Made You Want To Play This Bloody Stupid
Instrument
In The First Place?
Stage
One (It's OK as Long As You Do It In Private)
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It all starts when we feel this inner urge to
play a guitar as we find ourselves listening to music. We slowly
realise
that we've stopped paying too much attention to the bass or drums or
keyboard. We just keep hearing that
guitar. . . and we've
occasionally posed in front of the dressing table mirror with a tennis
racquet and we've dabbled with
a bit of air guitar (only when nobody is around) and we start to
think 'I wonder if I could be any
good'
| Stage
Two (Strange Attraction To Inanimate Objects)
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It's usually at this point when we first
start to look at guitars in
music shop windows and look at pictures
of guitars in magazines and on cd and album covers. Our partners, if we
have one, start to get suspicious at our strange behaviour
lately. We've probably got friends who play and our train of
thought is 'Well if THEY can do it..I
can do it'
| Stage
Three (Dream On Dude)
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Pretty soon the imagination starts to
kick in. We start to imagine what
it would be like to be able to play. We
begin picturing ourselves, maybe at a party with a few friends or in
the
park with a group of pals, girls and boys. Someone says 'Hey dude you
play the guitar don't you? . . why don't
you play us something'. We pull out the guitar (that just
happens to be lying around), tune up quickly and, with an enigmatic
smile, we start to play. Imagination is very powerful and we feel good!
| Stage
Four (Pre-Orgasmic)
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We've got it bad now. We start to
get a bit breathless when we go into the music shops and drool over the
guitars. We may even
pick one or two guitars up after a while. Feels good doesn't it?
Resistance at this
stage is pretty
futile as the bug is starting to bite
. . . and bite hard.
| Stage
Five (Now Down To Some Research)
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We look around at what's available to
help us master this instrument of
torture. There seem to be so many different teaching aids that we
just 'know' we'll be able to play like an expert within a week or two.
I mean after all, there is an almost unlimited selection of
software/teaching aids/ multimedia/ tapes/ books/ videos/tabs...not to
mention endless web sites promising 'Play
like Hendrix in 3 days or you're a tw@t!'.
It's all garbage of course ...but we don't know that yet.
| Stage
Six (Doing The Evil Deed)
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Finally we've seen enough. We pick the
guitar we want to buy and go
down to the music shop and part with the cash. The sales guy recommends
a book or two and maybe a DVD so we buy those too. We'll need some
picks and a strap, maybe even a sticker or two to put on the guitar
case, something to tune it with, some spare strings and a string winder
(maybe we don't
know what a string winder is yet) and we're done.
| Stage
Seven (Or What It Feels Like To Be Seven Years Old Again)
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This
is one of the most
exciting parts.
We get the guitar home and take it out of its bag (or case). We hold
it, sniff it, caress it and maybe even pick a couple of strings or
perhaps try to hold down that 'E chord' we saw a diagram
of. I remember my first proper guitar very well. I (I'm not embarrassed
about this any more) used to stand it against the wall across the room
from my bed so that it was the last thing I saw before I went to sleep
and the first thing I saw when I woke up. There...I'm glad to get that one
off my chest.We get out the DVD or book that came with your
guitar and after a quick look we decide that maybe tomorrow would be
the best time to get down to it. We have very sweet dreams that
night....oh please Mike...please just
play us one
more......zzzzzzzz!
| Stage
Eight (Pain...Pain...Pain...Pain...No One Said It Would Hurt)
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OK today's the day we get
serious. We look at the book again and it has
some chord diagrams in it. We try one or two. Ouch it hurts . .no one told me about that. Maybe
the DVD will be better. Hmmm well...after a little while we decide
that maybe this isn't going to be quite so easy after all.
| Stage
Nine (Bust Your Ass - And Burst Your Blisters)
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Now is when we get serious about this.
After a while, with enough persistance and a sheer bloody mindedness
that makes us go on even though our fingers are fraying at the ends, we
learn two or three chords and probably the beginning of a song or two.
We can probably
knock out a little 12 bar blues and when anyone asks 'how's the guitar going' we timidly
display our new found skill by showing them a 'C chord' or the first
two bars of 'Smoke on the Water' or Strum along to 'Michael Rowed the
Boat Ashore'. Funny...they don't seem impressed as we are.
I'm
not going into stages 10, 11 &12 where we . . .
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Buy
yet another 'How
to play the guitar in 5 hours' ebook or . . Flip
through yet another beginners DVD full of
deadly dull material or . . Start subscribing to some ego maniacs'
website where we can watch an arm (yes just an arm..no person) as it
whizzes around the fretboard in what is
laughingly called a frigging 'GUITAR LESSON' and we only pay $30 a
month for the privilege.
You
Have Every Right To Be Pissed Off
And then finally . . . as our initial
enthusiasm wanes . . . the strings go rusty . .
the dust starts to gather . . . the sexy instrument in the corner
starts to look decidedly unsexy and is becoming a bit of an
embarrassment.
Visitors to our room spot the guitar and say . . .
and we say . . . 'Nah I don't bother
with it
much these days' or 'Nah . . . I've got a broken string' or even 'Nah I
can't be bothered'. Your visitor meanwhile says something like 'You know what...I'd love to
be able to play the guitar!' Inside your head a VERY LOUD
VOICE
SAYS...'So would I mate...So would I...'
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Incredible, unbelievable and amazing as
it is . . . that in this day
and age where we have global communication via the internet, computer
technology, multi-media and the like. . . do you
know what all this capabilty has
done for the beginner guitarist?
All its done is allowed every wannabe 'Guitar Teacher' the opportunity
to put out shoddy, inaccurate, ego driven, mostly unusable and
irrelevant material and LAUGHINGLY
CALL IT 'GUITAR LESSONS'.
I MAKE NO APOLOGY to these so-called Guitar Teachers. LISTEN TO ME .
.
just playing the piece through in silence without engaging the audience
(you) or talking through what the hell you are doing, and
expecting the beginner to have a 'cat in hells' chance of ACTUALLY LEARNING THE PIECE is just PLAIN
STUPID, IDIOTIC, RIDICULOUS AND A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME!
There . . . I've said it because it had to be said.
By the way if you're not convinced that what I'm saying is true, then
go and seek these people out. You'll usually find them hanging around
the internet newsgroups pontificating about whether a
beginner should learn to barre that 'F' chord or play it the normal
way. They mostly stick with the beginners newsgroups as their
particular brand of knowledge and wit !? is more impressive to the
newbie.
Or search the internet and try or buy some of the crap that is
passed off as the latest 'never before
seen,' 'secrets they didn't
want you to know' (no I don't know why they don't want you to
know either) 'know your way around the
fretboard'
. . . . at this stage I have to ask. . will this really make me play
better?
The poor beginner (you) is left feeling inadequate and or stupid and
it's not
even their fault. It's not meant to be like that . . . it doesn't have
to be like that.
We could spend years
with this garbage
before realising 'IT'S MOSTLY A WASTE OF TIME!
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I have to admit that it's taken me a
long time, many years in fact,
to
figure out why most people who took up playing the guitar, just gave
up.
After all, it never occurred to ME to give up, so WHAT WAS IT?. . was I
cleverer
than
everbody else . . . or did I just get lucky? (If you're
wondering..I did get lucky)
SOME
QUESTIONS ABOUT
WHY PEOPLE GIVE UP.
If you're not sure
they do give up, just have a look at guitars for sale on ebay.
'I don't have time to learn'
'Hardly played'
'As new, never been
gigged'
WHY DID ALL THESE PEOPLE GIVE UP?
The first question
is . . . will you give up because it's too difficult?
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I know you find it difficult right now
but I
promise
you . . IT REALLY ISN'T THAT
DIFFICULT. I didn't find it that difficult. Look I know it's
not the easiest instrument in the world to master, but given that you
have the normal amount of determination, it isn't
really all that difficult to learn. Are we meant to believe that
budding guitarists have less brain cells
that everybody else. (I actually have less brain cells but there is
another reason for that) Sure. . it hurts your fingers when you
first start but then jogging (and
smoking) hurts your lungs when you first start and still millions of
people do it.
Do
you need to know about
or understand music or tabs to learn?
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Definitely, emphatically,
absolutely, positively, undeniably NO
NO NO
NO. I know that this is a fact because I knew nothing, zilch,
zippo
about music and tabs when I first started, and I have to confess that I
know not
much more than that now. But it doesn't stop me entertaining my friends
and family for an hour
or two and causing other 'experienced' guitarists to stare open mouthed
when I play. Oh and in case you're wondering, I don't know where all
the notes on the fretboard are either, nor do I know what an inversion
is or a mode or..
Is
playing the guitar
still a cool thing to do?
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Are you kidding? Just imagine now, walking into a room,
picking up a guitar and playing some well known guitar classic. Two
things. First you're going to feel great because hardly anyone can do
this. Second, the 'audience' (whoever they might be) are going to wish
like hell that they could do what you
just did! Now you tell me if
you
think that's a Cool thing to do?
Why
then, does a person
who has dreamed about playing the guitar, spent good time
and money
buying an instrument, worked up the enthusiasm to get started . .
just GIVE UP?
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Good
question! Do you want to know why? I'll tell you why.
It's not because of lack of skill. It's not because of lack of
enthusiasm. It's not because it's too difficult. It's not because your
fingers hurt and it's not because you are too stupid to 'take it all
in'.
It's because Most Guitar Teachers, real or virtual, earthly or cyber,
old fashioned or modern (Oh I'm just about to make some
enemies
here) BORE THEIR STUDENTS TO DEATH. I was
going to aplologise in advance for upsetting anyone but do you
know what? I'm not going to apologise at all because it's true.
Any of
you virtual guitar teachers out
there who would like to prove otherwise, you know where I am.
If you're still reading this then I'm talking to YOU. Remember I'm just like YOU. I actually have heaps of those
useless
books,
ebooks, tab sheets, DVD's and videos and most of them are just a complete waste of money.
I go back to 'before the internet' but the music shop shelves were
still bursting with the latest 'Play Guitar in two days or your money
back' book even then.
| Please,
as a keen student of guitar just answer me these questions? |
Do you really want to learn 10
different scales, understand every chord that was ever invented, study
(yes study) modes, time signatures, key signatures and the like?
I mean
do you really?
Do you really want
to spend hours on end going through repetitive exercises?
Do you really want to be told to never
put your thumb over the top of
the guitar?
Do you really want to learn nursery
rhymes?
Please understand that I have nothing
against any of those things. If
you want to study, go to music college and get a degree in music so
that you can take up a career as a professional musician in an
orchestra or a band . . . THAT'S FINE BY ME . . . but the reality
is that most of us don't want to do that.
Most of us
just want
to
learn some
songs so that we can entertain our close family and friends for an hour
or so. In any case if you want to take it further you can do that
whenever you want.
Or we want to be able to go to a party and pick up the guitar when
someone asks and polish off a song or two all the way through (how many
people have you met who supposedly 'play the guitar' but can't actually
play anything at all except a few chords and 2 or 3 anecdotal intros)
Or we just want to learn for our own satisfaction. I still believe that
we could abolish all forms of depression if we taught people to play a
musical instrument. Just try playing your guitar for 5 minutes or
more and feeling sad and down at the same time. It's impossible
(even for blues players)
If you can relate to anything I've
said up to now,
I've got some really great news for you. |
If learning to master your guitar sufficiently to play for your friends
and family, to gain some skill so that you are in a position to decide
whether you'd like to take this further...If that is what you want to
do...you'll be delighted to know...you don't have to bore yourself to
death learning scales and exercises that no one wants to listen to.
You don't have to
'hold the guitar a
particular way'.
You don't have to
'Know your way around
the fret board'
You don't have to
spend hours playing
songs that you wouldn't dream
of
playing 'live' in a million years.
You don't need to
learn any scales.
You don't need to be
able to read music.
You can safely throw all those old ideas
into the
garbage along with those books on playing scales, and that e-book on
memorising the fret board and those crappy videos of boring teachers
either showing you stuff you don't want to learn, or being so deadly
dull
that you quickly reach for the stop button on the remote...or playing
so
fast and fuelling their own egos with their undoubted skill that you
learn nothing, other than the fact that you'll never be that good.
Do I sound annoyed? Believe me . . .
I am
annoyed.
LETS
IMAGINE WHAT IT COULD BE LIKE
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I want you to imagine that we are
friends,
(yes
before you ask I DO have plenty of friends). You come round to my house
and say 'Hey Mike I've bought a guitar can you help me?'
I sit you down and show you how to tune the guitar. Because I am well
known as a 'real human being' teacher, I don't try to show you anything
flash. I start you off with some
basic chords that can be played with
just ONE FINGER. We go through these for half an hour or so and
then I send you away to practise 'til tomorrow.
You come back tomorrow and you're buzzing (you...not the guitar). I
now show you how to expand on those basic chords and after half an hour
I've got you playing songs that are so
famous that ANYONE would
recognise them. (I can do this because I actually pay royalties
on
published material)
If you get stuck you can ask my advice. I promise not to show off, if
YOU promise to put in the effort. If we carried on like this for a few
weeks...do you know what would happen?
Do
you know where you'd be after a month or two of this 'one to one
learning?' You'd be living that dream that we spoke about
earlier.
You'd be that person who picks up the guitar and smiles and
plays.........
THE BOTTOM LINE What
if you could achieve all that . . . without spending a penny?
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Well . . I'M willing to GIVE you a minimum
of 20
different 'All Inclusive' guitar video lessons .
NO SCALES
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NO EXERCISES
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NO JUNK
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NO EGO
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NO PADDING
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NO PRETTY LOGOS
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NO FALSE PROMISES
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NO HIDDEN CATCHES
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I'm not going to give
you all these videos straight
away as that would be a really stupid thing to do.
I'll show you at the beginning what we are going to be learning. I'll
even let you decide if you want to 'Jump the gun a bit' and learn a
particular song before I've scheduled it. I'll do all this without
rushing you or holding you back.
I'll
never show off and I'll never get impatient.
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You can watch
what
I'm doing 100 times or 1000 times, how about 50,000 times without me
ever getting bored, until you can play each piece perfectly, note for
note, beautifully.
I am going to give you
unlimited access to this material to watch, download, copy to CD and
generally use in any way you want, using up my 'bought and paid for'
bandwidth.
Why am I going to do ALL
this?
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Well I'll tell
you
why.
Once you've done all the things I've just mentioned . . then one of
three things will
happen.
1.
You'll toss it
into the
bin
and say ...'That Mike Herberts guy is full of
sh#t'
or
2. You'll start playing the
songs from the videos I've given you. You'll
be impressed, your friends and mum will be impressed, you'll start to
make some headway with
your guitar playing after banging your head
against a brick wall for so long, but
you decide not to come back to my
site
and
buy anything (because you're too
broke or tight fisted)
or
3. All of #2 above plus...you'll
start to visit my site and buy videos to
learn some
of the worlds' all time classic guitar pieces and in time
(and if you buy
enough of them) we really do become friends and I may even make a
profit out of you.
So . . . am I just
exploiting the situation?
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Well there is
only
one
person
who can decide that . . . and I don't
need to tell you who THAT is. So that's it. The bottom line. The
message.
I know you have no reason (at the moment) to believe me and that I
could just be one of the very same charlatans that I've been writing
about. I might just be full of crap. Unfortunately I can't give
you your money back . . . because I'm not asking you for any money.
I'll send you
more
videos from the series over the next few weeks. I'm not claiming that
you'll like the
music in all of them, but I reckon you should at least master each of
the techniques shown.
As your skills develop you might want to let me know how you're getting
on or even ask me a question. I can be contacted easily by email or on
the phone. YES I am that serious about you making fast progress.
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Duh? . . . better be quick Dude!
Offering FREE Videos is the method
I've
used to build my online business for the last 12 Months. It has worked
very well for me and I have many 1,000's of happy subscribers.
I
believe that I have to EARN the right
to email you and I value your
judgement about what you allow into your inbox and what you delete.
Make no mistake...the videos I send are not the usual FREE crap that
gets passed around the internet.
This
is
quality material that I am
soon turning into a Comprehensive Tutorial DVD. My current DVD's sell
for $79.97 (that's just over 40 quid in real money) and I have no
shortage of takers at that price. Why
am I telling you this?
Because
in
the very near future I will be no
longer offering these videos for
FREE. There is enough material here to easily fill three DVD's
that I
can then sell all around the world from my website for 40 quid each. No
need to get a
calculator . . 3 X 40 = £120 and that is the minimum value of the
giveaways . . . . that you're getting for nowt!
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Stop
Thinking About It . . Just DO IT!
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